It was New Years Eve 2019 , I was at a house party (remember those?) waiting to ring in 2020. I was surrounded by friends and we had the radio going as well as the TV on, waiting for the ball to drop. We started the countdown with the radio and when we got to “Happy New Year”, the TV timing didn’t match the radio. So we did a second countdown. At that moment, my friend Sabrina made a comment about how that wasn’t a good way to start the year.
If only we knew.
Not only was it the start of a new year, it was the start of a new decade. Everyone seemed to have so many hopes and dreams for 2020 (including myself). Who would have known, the whole world would be unrecognizable a mere 365 days later.
At the beginning of 2020, after years of knowing something wasn’t quite right, I went to my doctor’s to discuss my depression and anxiety symptoms. I had been struggling for years and although I have always been one to promote people taking control and care of their mental health, I never did it for myself. When you’re less than a year post-partum and the words “you’re crazy” and “you will lose custody” are thrown at you from across the table, you tend to put up and shut up. Again, another case of hindsight being 20-20. I started medication in early January and with a few tweaks a few months later, I am finally feeling that I am in a much better headspace. I can’t even imagine how I would have done when lockdown hit without taking those steps.
Lockdown was hard for me. I’m a social person and not one to be home all the time. And I miss hugging people. I miss not being able to just jump in the car and see my family whenever I choose. (That’s been the hardest part.) But a good part that did come out of it, was reconnecting with old high school friends via Skype calls. Some of them, I hadn’t seen or spoken to in almost 30 years. With lockdown #2 upon us again, I am hoping for some more of these Zoom calls.
I had already been working from home for the past 3 years, so luckily in the grand scheme of things, my work was not affected. For that I am very thankful. One less thing to worry about.
By the summer, things still weren’t even close to normal (will they ever be again?). I usually take time to do things with the boy over the summer but the only thing we did was go on our very first camping trip together. Just the 2 of us, for one night. Was it perfect, no. Was it fun, yes, All I will say, as I am so thankful I bit the bullet and took the boy to Florida/Disney back in 2018. Not sure if I will ever be comfortable enough again to do such a trip with huge crowds.
I don’t know if it was my body getting used to medication or the pandemic, but through it all, I definitely lost all sorts of motivation. This is the first blog post since March. I sat down many times trying to put something together and had a total lack of inspiration or want to post. I had a vision for the blog for 2020, but now instead of dwelling on what I didn’t do, I will be focusing on the new year ahead and how I can make things better in this new world.
The only thing I feel like I did accomplish this year is finishing a bunch of Netflix series…..A LOT of Netflix series. I know I am not alone on that one. I feel like I am at the point now, that thee isn’t much left for me to even watch on there anymore.
I know everyone seems to talk like as soon as the clock strikes 12:00:01, January 1, 2021, life as we know will go back to “normal”, but we all know that isn’t going to happen. But I think we are all hoping that instead of things going from good, to bad to worse like 2020 did, things will eventually get better. Or I sure as heck hope they do.
We’re going into 2021 with a new way of life. Masks, hand sanitizer, and social distancing are the norm. Multiple vaccines have been created and hopefully, the light at the end of this crazy tunnel isn’t too far away. But as for 2020, I’ve had enough. See ya later, peace out!
cathyunfiltered.com 
