Goodbye 2018 and Hello 2019

It was a year of highs and a year of lows, and now it is time to say goodbye to 2018 and usher in all the promises of good times and new beginnings that 2019 can bring us.

I have so many wants for the year ahead and am sure they aren’t much different than anyone else, but this year I am planning to tackle them in such a way that I avoid disappointment or give up at the first little set back. I will make small goals that add up to big goals and conquer them one by one. My list is not complete but it is a starting point and I can add to it as life moves along.

But for 2018, there are a number of things that I am determined to say good-bye to. Things that have prevented me from achieving the goals that I made last year at this time and the year before and the year before that.

I’m Saying Goodbye to:

  • 1. Doing things that just make others happy and not myself. Too often I have said yes to things but in the end it has hinder me, my life or my mindset.
  • 2. Making everyone/everything a priority over myself. If I don’t let myself come first once in a while, and take the time to do things for me and me alone, I will be no good for anyone.
  • 3. Focusing on the bad in the past and not looking towards the good and the future.
  • 4. Fearing the unknown and not embracing the “what could be”. Who knows, the “what ifs” could end up being the best thing to ever happen to me.
  • 5. Procrastinating. I need to stop putting things off and hoping for the motivation to do it another day. Do it now!
  • 6. FOMO. This really took a toll on me this year and I need to let it go. Just because others seem to have more, doesn’t mean they always do. I need to embrace what I have and make the best of it.
  • 7. Doing the same things over and over. If it hasn’t worked time and time again, it probably never with. Time to take the leap and do something new.
  • 8. Worrying what others think. Another one I have really struggled with, for years. And if social media has taught me anything, you’ll always have haters no matter what you do, so time to just live my life and no give 2 F*$%@ what others think. Those who truly support you, will continue to do so.

So goodbye to 2018, goodbye to the people, places and things that having been holding me back. I am sure next year at this time, I will still be a work in process and perfection will still be more than an arm’s length away. I am however, hopefully that I will be happy with the progress that I have made and the memories I have made along the way.

Getting Fit

Leggings are the Devil – My Weight Gain Story

Up until a year ago, I had a 9-5 job that required me in the office every day wearing office appropriate attire.   Something about having to fit into a skirt or dress pants on a daily basis somewhat worked with me as part of a weight management program.  If they still fit, I was doing ok.  If they started to feel tight, time to get to the gym more often and cutting back on what I was eating.  And then leggings came into my life.

Last year my job changed and although, I was still working from 9-5 for the same company, I was relocated to my home office.  I am not going to lie, it’s been a pretty sweet gig.  No more having to figure out what outfit to wear to the office, no commuting hassles and no office politics to deal with.  However, up until that point, I was not a leggings wearer, it was almost always jeans during my personal time.

Having always had larger thighs, I never felt comfortable in leggings.  Then a friend somehow convinced me that because they were most almost always black, they were slimming and any shape could get away with wearing them.  After getting up the courage to start wearing them, I was hooked and never looked back.  I was wearing them pretty much on a daily basis now, but sadly I think this is one relationship that I must sever in 2018.


As much as leggings are comfy and easy to wear, they are really a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  They don’t feel restricted, you can eat as much as you want and you never feel like you are stuffed into them and as a result gaining wait without too much notice.  And stupidly, I didn’t pay any attention to what these leggings were hiding until recently.

Let me go back a bit in time.  After I had my son, I was at my highest weight in my adult life.  I was sluggish, completely out of shape, and it was playing havoc on my health and my self esteem but having a newborn, I didn’t have the time to focus on myself.  Then my husband left me.  And although I would never recommend it to anyone, it definitely was the easiest weight loss I had ever had.  I didn’t have to think about it at all.  My life was consumed with 2 things, taking care of my son and dealing with a nasty, horrible divorce.  Food was no longer a “live to eat”, it was only “eat to live”.  I had no appetite and nothing in me to actually make myself meals.  It wasn’t healthy, I won’t even dare to say it was but in the end, I had lost over 50lbs and was now at my lowest adult weight.

At that point, I swore up and down that I would never EVER get back to my previous weight.  And for a few years, I kept that promise to myself.  But then when life started to settle down, the weight was slowing coming back.  A few lbs each year hear and there.  I would step on the scale and be up a few lbs but then tell myself that my clothes still fit, so I was ok.  But that is probably the worst mentality I could use….it was NOT okay.  A few lbs turns into 10lbs which eventually turned into too many lbs.

And then last year, when I started working from home and leggings came into my life.  And even though I was trying to stay fit and was even posting on the blog about it, the weight still seemed to be adding on.  No longer was my clothing holding me accountable to my eating and lifestyle sins. By the time fall came around, I was unmotivated, no longer tracking my calories and barely making it  to the gym.  And now here was are, starting 2018 and I am pretty much back to my pre-divorce weight.  I feel constantly sluggish and miserable and completely disappointed in myself.

Completely disappointed in myself!

I got to that place that I swore I would never get back to.  And yes, leggings are somewhat to blame.  Really I have no one to blame but myself but they sure didn’t help my situation. There was nothing restricting me and giving me that extra push to say “Put down the donut”.   So I told myself that starting January 1st, there were no more excuses.  This was not the life I wanted to leave and not the example I wanted to set for my son.  I have started tracking everything I put in my mouth and even though I was completely exhausted after New Years eve, I hit the gym.  I can’t keep saying I will “do it tomorrow” because tomorrow will never come.  I need to do it today.   And as for the leggings, they will no longer be an every day occurrence.  if that means I feel like a stuff sausage in jeans, well that will be a bit of motivation.

leggings back at gym

It’s not going to be easy, it won’t happen over night, but if I want to be the best version of me, I have to do the work to make it happen.